My new Web

My new Web site is dropdead.com
It’s interactive you get to choose how
you’ll die, where, and at what age
and it’ll still come as a complete
surprise to you I guarantee
but let’s not get morbid it’s a game
it’s more fun than bullshit.com and a lot less
narcissistic than kissmyass.com
Michael Douglas will play the lead with Sandra
Bullock as a baby in an out-of-control
baby carriage going down the Odessa Steps
but that’s just one scenario you can
create your own we’re going to have an IPO
tomorrow you can buy shares at getrich.com

by David Lehman

A Quick One Before I Go

There comes a time in every man’s life
when he thinks: I have never had a single
original thought in my life
including this one & therefore I shall
eliminate all ideas from my poems
which shall consist of cats, rice, rain
baseball cards, fire escapes, hanging plants
red brick houses where I shall give up booze
and organized religion even if it means
despair is a logical possibility that can’t
be disproved I shall concentrate on the five
senses and what they half perceive and half
create, the green street signs with white
letters on them the body next to mine
asleep while I think these thoughts
that I want to eliminate like nostalgia
0 was there ever a man who felt as I do
like a pronoun out of step with all the other
floating signifiers no things but in words
an orange T-shirt a lime green awning

by David Lehman

Did you know tha

Did you know that Evian spelled backwards is naive?
I myself was unaware of this fact until last Tuesday night
when John Ashbery, Marc Cohen, and Eugene Richie
gave a poetry reading and I introduced them
to an audience that already knew them,
and there were bottles of Evian at the table.
As air to the lungs of a drowning man was
a glass of this water to my dry lips. I recommend it
to you, a lover of palindromes, who will also
be glad to learn that JA read us three “chapters”
of his new poem, “Girls on the Run,” a twelve-
part saga inspired by girls’ adventure stories, with
characters named Dimples and Tidbit plus Talkative and
Hopeful on loan from “Pilgrim’s Progress.”
As Frank O’Hara would have said, “it’s the nuts.”

The poets’ books were on sale and afterwards
two of the poets signed theirs happily and the third
did so willingly and Joe took photos and I smiled
for the camera, shaking hands with people
I knew or didn’t know and thinking how
blessed was the state of naivete
my naive belief in the glory of the word

by David Lehman

I'm a very average person,

I’m a very average person,
and I think most people are.
I vote with the common man.
I have two kids, a boy and a girl.
Last Sunday I played golf with the boss.
Hey, it beats working.
I’m his wife. I may be brainless but
I’m her husband. I played golf with her
Last Sunday I played golf with the boss
and it was the first warm morning in May
and like every other moron driving a lawnmower
I’m their husband. I may be brainless but
I’m their wife. I’m their mother.
I have two kids, a boy and a girl,
and it was the first warm morning in May
and I think most people are
like every other moron driving a lawnmower.
I’m a very average person.
I vote with the common man.
Hey, it beats working.

by David Lehman

We have too much exhibitionism

We have too much exhibitionism
and not enough voyeurism
in poetry we have plenty of bass
and not enough treble, more amber
beer than the frat boys can drink but
less red wine than meets the lip
in this beaker of the best Bordeaux,
too much thesis, too little antithesis
and way too much New York Times
in poetry we’ve had too much isolationism
and too few foreign entanglements
we need more Baudelaire on the quai
d’Anjou more olive trees and umbrella pines
fewer leafless branches on the rue Auguste Comte
too much sociology not enough Garcia Lorca
more colons and dashes fewer commas
less love based on narrow self-interest
more lust based on a feast of kisses
too many novels too few poems
too many poets not enough poetry

by David Lehman